The other night my husband and I were talking about the differences between pre-baby life and post baby life. The conversation ended with us both crying laughing so I thought I’d share…
Before Baby: taking a bath meant relaxing with bubbles, a bath bomb, and a nice book
After Baby: sitting in lukewarm water trying to clean a squirmy baby dinosaur
Before Baby: date night meant a romantic dinner, drinks, and a movie
After Baby: shoveling dinner into your mouth as fast as you can and being home within an hour because if you mess up his bedtime routine I swear I WILL kill you
Before Baby: walking around topless meant something good was about to happen for the husband
After Baby: walking around topless means I have [insert some sort of body fluid] on me
Before Baby: Sundays are for sleeping in, binge watching murder mystery shows, and eating on the couch
After Baby: Sundays mean still waking up at 5am because the baby doesn’t know it’s the weekend and oh yea, he peed all over his sheets
Before Baby: camera roll consists of food pics, selfies, vacation pics, funny memes
After Baby: camera roll consists of baby, baby laughing, baby eating, baby with husband
Before Baby: It’s the husband’s birthday, maybe I’ll put on a sexy outfit.
After Baby: Here’s a photo album of your kid you see every day, now can you go make a bottle please?
Before Baby: I’ll just run up to Target to get that one little thing we don’t really need but want anyway
After Baby: Ugh, I have to pack up the baby, the stroller, the diaper bag, the bottles… “Babe, just wash your body with shampoo. I’ll get soap another day!”
Before Baby: Who the hell watches shows like Dr. Phil anyway?
After Baby: Babe, move out of the way! I’m watching Dr. Phil tell this lady off!
Before Baby: “Babies are kinda ugly. They look like aliens.”
After Baby: “Omg, you are literally the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”