I had just moved 8 hours from home to be with a guy I met two months ago on a cruise ship. (I know, crazy right?) I had started my new job in my new city about two weeks ago and I was on my lunch break, heading back to the office after grabbing some Jamba Juice.
Turning into the parking lot of my new job, I hit a car. I hit it hard. I called my boyfriend to tell him what happened because my car was no longer driveable and his response (after making sure I was ok, of course) was “shit, ok, this is going to cost us.” Not the sweet response I’m sure most girls are hoping for: “oh sweetie, are you ok? It’s not your fault. It will be ok.” No, he’s blunt. He’s real. And he’s now my husband. Let me tell you why.
I was on my lunch break so I went back to work and left my totaled car in the parking lot. For the rest of the afternoon I worked. For the rest of the afternoon, he worked on getting things together for me. When 5 o’clock rolled around I walked out of my office, my car had been towed, my insurance had been called and dealt with, and my rental car was all ready for me (my favorite car, by the way). I knew then that I would marry him. Because while his words may be a little cold sometimes, his actions were the exact opposite.
I later came home and cried and told him I needed a hug and a mushy “it will be ok” moment and he gave that to me, of course. But it’s not in his inherent nature to be the overly mushy type. And I don’t care. It is his inherent nature to take care of me. To do whatever it takes to make my life easier. To go out of his way to make sure I’m not in the least bit inconvenienced.
I can’t tell you that my husband brings me flowers for no reason because he doesn’t. And quite frankly, I don’t want him to. What he does do is fill up my water bottle by my bed when I’m sleeping because he knows I always wake up thirsty. He feeds me while I feed our son and my hands are full. He makes the bed after we wash our sheets because he knows it’s my least favorite chore. He fills the keurig with water because he knows I always forget. He gets me peanut butter at the store because he knows if we run out I’ll be a mess. He tells the landlord of our first apartment (who initially told us we didn’t get the apartment) that he will pay extra because it’s the apartment I wanted. He looks for shows on Netflix he thinks I will like because he knows I don’t have the energy to do it but I love a good murder mystery before bed. He gets the new flavor of preworkout he thinks I will love even if it’s a flavor he hates.
He takes care of me. He does little things every day to show me he’s thinking of me and wanting to make my life easier. So, honestly, take your bouquet of roses and candle lit dinners, I’ll keep my not-so-mushy husband any day.
Romantic gestures are nice don’t get me wrong, but in the long run of life and parenthood and everything it throws at us, you are going to want a partner. Not someone who tells you you’re beautiful every second of the day, someone who says I’ll take the baby so you can nap. An actual partner who gives just as much as they take and who helps you rather than making things harder on you. Marry the guy who’s you’re partner, whether or not he brings you flowers, I promise you’ll be much happier with him.